Earlier today I wrote about my goals. So far, so good. C transitioned well from his screentime this morning and then asked me to join him in the pool. I'm being brave and letting him use my camera, because it has an underwater function. So far he's taken selfies and several disturbingly good pictures of my butt underwater. But today we had a real reason to break out the camera: a backswimmer! This little insect decided to make our tiny above-ground pool its abode for several days and glided up and down through the water surprisingly quickly. These are the facts I learned about backswimmers today:
they store air in two hairy receptacles on either side of their body;
they'll attack anything and suck the lifeblood, literally, out of it;
they're sometimes called a water wasp;
they can bite humans
I didn't learn the last fact until after we swam in the water with it for an hour, but no harm no foul. We temporarily caught it in a Pyrex measuring cup for purposes of examination. They're so unlike the insects I usually encounter that I was captivated. C and I made a great team, scanning above and below water for our new friend. The air temperature neared 90 degrees and the water temperature was mid-70's, so we stayed in the pool for a while.
After lunch and pool time, C's cousin was ready to meet up at the arcade. Normally C would jump at the opportunity, but he became very upset and started sobbing about how he couldn't go because people would see him crying. Of course he didn't understand that this was a circular argument, but I gathered that he felt a strong aversion to leaving the house: "I just want ONE day where we stay at home and don't go anywhere!" Ok, I said, let's stay at home on Friday, but today is the last day of your cousin's visit, and I think you might be sad if you didn't meet him. Why don't you wear my sunglasses, drink some water, and play Aquarium Land on my phone on the drive? If you still don't want to go once we're in the parking lot, we can turn around and go home.
Once we arrived at the fun center he was on board with staying, and he had a blast. Grandma and Grandpa were paying, so he got extra game time. His 12-year-old cousin has recently adopted a too-cool-for-school vibe, but C was enthusiastic with his VR games and ticket acquisition.
In sum, a good day. We're in our pre-dinner tv stage, so I've got time to write. A few realizations from today:
My phone call this morning to a friend made the day not only bearable but beautiful. There's a sentiment circulating these days that the point of life isn't to always be happy, and I understand that concept. There's so much joy and beauty in life, in nature, in relationships. But life also presents many shitty, seemingly-unbearable moments. I consider myself lucky that my positive moments outweigh the negative ones. Playing with my children when they're happy and we're focused on discovery together is a gift because I am fully present. I'm so grateful that even though there are wails of despair there are also giggles. There's hyper-sensitivity but also playfulness. There are financial struggles but also green dragonflies. I recently read about mood charts. I would like to start one, because I think it would satisfy my need for structure and data while reassuring me that my life contains an excess of joy and contentment. I know we're supposed to ride the waves of emotions but the practice is difficult.
What is past is left behind.
The future is as yet unreached.
Whatever quality is present
you clearly see right there,
right there.
Bhaddekaratta Sutta
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