Tell all the truth but tell it slant --
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
To Truth's superb surprise
As Lightening to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind --
~Emily Dickinson
I wrote a letter to myself this morning about truth. I'm not going to transcribe it fully here, but I want to explore the concept of truth a little. And no, I don't normally call myself "honey," but I'm trying to practice self-mothering.
Dear Emily,
Remember the poem, "Tell all the truth but tell it slant"? That's not for you, honey. That's for the world and how you figure out how to be in community with others. It's how to share your truth gently and kindly, just like you share Big Things with children in an age-appropriate way.
But you, Emily, you get to be fully honest with yourself. The only person you must answer to at the end of the day is you. You must be comfortable with who you are and whether your words and actions match who you are inside. And that has to come first before you can be honest and genuine with others.
You worry a great deal about "shoulds" and "rights." You are not comfortable with the messy middle or emotional confusion or uncertainty. You are terrified of letting other people down, both because it will cause them pain but also because it will reveal the fact that you are a very flawed individual. Sometimes you choose not to engage unless you are 100% sure you will be perfect or true or know the final outcome. The risk is so, so high.
Don't forget that you can be honest with how you feel right now, in the present moment, and that doesn't mean you can't ever change your mind. Your truth is not a fixed monument or a promise or a guarantee. It's just your current truth as you are growing into yourself.
Your only real regrets in life are the times you failed to listen to your gut. I think that you have practiced listening to your body and mind and heart quite a bit over the last couple of decades, and I think this practice will serve you well. Will you do it perfectly? Absolutely not. The selfishness part you're worried about has more to do with fear than anything else, though. What is more selfish is to fail to focus on your own well-being. Remember the quote you read this morning on Social Emotional Learning? You could substitute "parent" for "teacher.":
Given that relationships and modeling are so important for student learning, it follows that teachers' well-being is a strong predictor of classroom quality -- a stronger predictor than even teacher educational attainment and experience. (La Paro et al., 2009), 2023 C'ttee for Children, cfchildren.org, "The Case for a Comprehensive Approach to Social-Emotional Learning."
You like logic. So think of it this way. IF I can take care of my well-being, THEN I will be better positioned to be a good parent. And the inverse is true: I CAN'T truly be a present, full parent UNLESS I take care of my well-being. And right now being a good parent is your most important job.
Accept your truth in the current moment. Feel it, let it sink in. Your world is expanding. There's an explosion, a Big Bang when new worlds are created, right? Brace yourself.
Love,
Yourself
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