It was 90 degrees out today, a scorching, bright farewell to summer.
Today was productive in the traditional sense. I painted the hundred fifty year old office door; I started to learn a new piece of music on the piano; I took the car in to the garage; I went grocery shopping; I cleaned the bathroom; I stretched; I picked up the kids. In an hour and a half I'll participate virtually in my first board meeting for a local classical education nonprofit. I'm a bit relieved they shifted the meeting to virtual.
My kids are growing up. I realize they're only in 1st and 4th grade, but I can witness the maturation process. B had her first real homework assignment last night. It was one page and took about ten minutes. I'm still figuring out my role in the process. She wanted me to sit beside her while she did the math exercises. She said yes to help, but when I offered some gentle feedback things went sideways... so I decided to keep my mouth shut from here on out unless I'm asked a specific question.
C has attended four out of four school days thus far. This is a huge success. I received one phone call last week from the principal to tell me about a brief episode involving trouble with a transition, but he recovered quickly and finished out the day strong. Today the social worker told me that he made good problem-solving decisions. He detests the heat but decided to go out to recess anyway and bring his Zelda book to read under a tree. When he was sad, he told her, "I miss Mom but I'll see her later."
C carried home some wilted flowers yesterday. One of his best buddies from class last year, T, gave them to him. Apparently she also declared that he was her boyfriend. I asked C how he felt about this development. "I don't wanna talk about it!" Sweet, chipper little T met us at drop off this morning, and boy oh boy was I grateful. C was reluctant to leave me, but he walked up onto the hot top with T. It's ok if you don't put labels on it, C, but stick with T - -she's a good egg.
I don't want to jinx myself, but here goes: Now that we are settling into school, and the kids are growing into themselves, will C benefit from less scrutiny? Do I need to give him more freedom? Often I worry about his reluctance to go outside or the amount of screentime he consumes. But then I remember: he is his own person. Of course I want to have healthy limits and encourage play and physical activity, but I can't force my children to love what I love. So what if he prefers technology to trees at the moment? He hates the heat and doesn't like waking up early, but that's ok. At what point do we as parents shift from structure to stricture? Or from constructive modeling and encouraging to constraint of their native spirits? I want to encourage self-reliance and self-trust, not scrub it out of my babies through misguided mothering.
And me? sometimes I wish I could be completely structureless.
Hone and spread your spirit till you yourself are a sail, whetted, translucent, broadside to the nearest puff. ~ Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
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