Poco a poco

Yesterday was a little harder. I was sick of my own thoughts. I listened to songs that are too cheesy and almost lost it. I tried to get around the boundaries I set for myself and then felt guilty. I was sad and exhausted.

But.

The morning dew was so lovely.

I applied to a new job, scheduled several doctors' appointments, and started cleaning up the yard.

C scootered to school and had a great drop off; he even told his music teacher he wants to start piano lessons like his sister.

It was sunny outside.

I'm practiced my new Mahler piece on the piano.

I downloaded a sample of Easy Beauty by Chloe Cooper Jones.

I wrote a letter.

I attended my son's monthly IEP meeting. It was both a success and another reminder that there's work to do. His classroom teacher gave a glowing report of his progress academically and socially and his counselor said he was the only student who came up with all of his "positive self-talk" strategies on his own. But the new BCBA who promised to be there, the one whom I haven't met but is supposed to be creating a plan for the times we have rough drop-offs, was not there. Not only was she not there, she had not submitted data or a plan, the person leading the meeting had no idea where she was (and had not required her presence). Bottom line: It's now on me to have a separate conversation with the BCBA where I do the work of creating the plan for her.

After I left the meeting to join my kids on the playground, I discovered that my friends had encountered some friction from the duty teachers. Apparently there was confusion over what C was supposed to do while I was in the meeting, and the duty teacher erroneously released him to one of the other parents. I trust these other parents, my friends, completely, and am so grateful they were there, but the issue remains that the duty teachers messed up. They're not supposed to release a child to anyone other than the designated pickup person for obvious reasons. And my friends knew this, and pointed it out, and the teachers got very defensive. For once I was not the one arguing about the very real flaws in the school's safety protocol or lack thereof, and it made me immensely grateful for the people in my corner.

The kids played for a while on the playground, had staggered meltdowns, and eventually we made it home for a quick dinner and screentime break before returning to the school for the ice cream social. More playing, more bonding as the air cooled and the last mosquitos of the season appeared.

At home, amidst the bedtime routine, I found an email from the job I just applied to inviting me to a zoom interview! I was thrilled but also a little scared. Everything seems to be happening so quickly. I feel a little out of control.

I need to center myself. Maybe I will do some yoga this morning. C skateboarded to school. We had a moment of reluctance but with the help of his aide he made it inside the school building, thank god. B has her first art therapy appointment this afternoon, and I need to find new pants for my children because they grow a foot a day. I also need to restock on cheese sticks. I have to pre the BCBA plan. I need to reach out to potential fundraisers in preparation for the strategic planning retreat this weekend. I need to have some difficult conversations and make some difficult decisions.

I need to slow down. I think many of my mistakes in the past have resulted from not taking time for myself and failing to make decisions based on my needs; the scale often tips in favor of what I think others want from me. That's my job for today. Poco a poco.